Do What You Love, Love What You Do

69 days ago I interviewed for this insanely DREAMY job. All I could think about was how to NOT mess up this incredible opportunity. The amount of sweat my body produced in that two hour interview was actually impressive; thank goodness it was all via video chat online. When people asked me how it went later on, all I could muster up was, "It was so fun!! I wanted to talk to them forever." I had never really had experience doing professional interviews, so something in me was confused because I never expected an interview to be fun and full of laughter. It just felt so right...

66 days ago I accepted that insanely DREAMY job at Seattle Children's Hospital. Seattle Children's Hospital. A world-class institute for pediatric medicine just offered me a job and I had ACCEPTED it. An absolute blur that phone call was; I'm 100% sure I never formally accepted the job. After the job was offered over the phone, I blurted something along the lines of, "THIS IS SO COOL!!! Thank you so much!" Luckily, that blubbery mess was an acceptable acceptance or I'd still be stuck under piles of snow in Milwaukee instead of sitting on my patio basking in this sunny Seattle Sunday (not that anything would be wrong about that).

40 days ago I was on the move! With my dad doing most of the hauling and some heavy-lifting help from a few generous friends (thanks a million, Brad!!), we had two cars loaded up and ready to hit the Great North! Shall I remind you that we were traveling through the northern states in the middle of February? For all of my California friends, that is ultimate snow season...

...we didn't see more than 3 inches of snow on the ground the entire 2,000 mile trip. How's that even possible?!?! Highways get shut down, the three gigantic mountain passes between Montana and Washington are often closed for snow or slowed enormously during this time of the year. We cruised through those six states at 80 miles an hour for three days without any problems. The week before, Milwaukee looked something like this:

 Some people would consider that lucky, I consider that Jesus.

A beautiful Montana sunrise!

Home stretch!

Home sweet home...my new backyard.

33 days ago I started my absolute dreamy job. Now that it's here and my job title is set, it's hard to remember the stress and angst I put myself through to get here. I vaguely remember a few days (okay, a few more than a few) being worried about my future, if I was going to be moving and where that would be, if my future coworkers would accept me, if I would find a niche like I have in my past few cities, etc. etc. etc. Let me tell you before you put yourself through the same cycle...God's gotcha. Just put your hand out, open up your heart, and He'll take you where you belong.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin was such a wonderful home for me, something I hadn't really thought possible as I moved out there. It was a huge transition moving from San Diego to Milwaukee, but I settled in beautifully and broke my heart into a million pieces as I packed up my bedroom a few weeks ago and hit the road Westward Ho. While I miss the laughter with dear friends (lifers), the winters, the cheese, the lake, the people, the beer, the festivals, the babies, the friendliness...I'm absolutely where I belong. I think the only two things I really don't miss are the potholes and Milwaukee's infamous odor. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who made my life in Wisconsin so easy and simplistic. I would have been a completely lost lunatic if it weren't for y'all welcoming me into your space. Thank you for loving me, accepting me, and for teaching me all the tricks of the Midwest. The memories and friendships I made there can't shine a light on anything; 100% irreplaceable.

But now? Now, I work at one of America's Top Employers with my absolute DREAM JOB!! I've said that a million times now, but it still hasn't really settled in with me. Each morning that I go to work, I walk through the doors of a children's hospital, a place that regular people don't want to be...but I love it. This is something I honestly did not think would come to fruition until a few years post-grad, but with my minimal faith and a whole slue of doubt, God lay down a path for me to follow and brought me to this new, marvelous, fantastic chapter of my life. I owe so much more to Him than I currently allow myself to give.

So, long story short: don't count yourself out of anything. Set your goals, follow your dreams. Don't count the days until they've passed (easier said than done!), do what you love, and for heaven's sake, love what you do. Please do not make yourself miserable at work. Here's a harsh reality: we will likely (and God-willing) be working for a few more decades. Love it, enjoy it, cherish it.

Clearly enjoying my new home!

For those wondering, I am absolutely infatuated with my new home and love sharing it with this wild animal. Thanks a million for keeping tabs on me and for praying my way to this marvelous moment in life!

Above the Clouds

*(Written 12/21/2015)

As winter creeps up on us day by day (although so, so slowly), those sunny, blue skies slip away faster and faster, as do our daylight hours. I think Milwaukee is down to an average of 8ish “daylight” hours each day, but that does not imply sunny daylight. It’s basically saying, “the sun should rise at this time and set at this time, but you may not actually see it.”

As with most of my blog posts, I am currently 30,000 feet in the air taking a quick escape from Earth. Flying became somewhat regular to me when I began college and moved hundreds of miles from home. Then I moved to Wisconsin which is just a few more hundred; it can be a road trip away, but only with a commitment. Anyway, flying gives me the escape from reality I need that leads to some of my greatest reflection and insight (at least I think so). I severely struggle at shutting down my mind and reflecting on those average-Joe-just-want-to-sleep days. The distractions, commitments, priorities (out-of-line, might I add), and noise often take my attention away from the important things in life: joy, laughter, smiles, peace, community, conversation, etc. etc. etc. I like to be busy, I thrive being busy (a productive nurse is always doing something!). But it certainly does catch up to me, which is where flying comes in handy.

With these gray days that we’re beginning to experience, I always love escaping in a plane to the land above the clouds. The land where the sky is notoriously blue and the sun is shining regardless of the weather 30,000 feet below. The place where clouds look like the coziest lovesacs where I long to relax. A place where children marvel from inside the plane's windows at the Earth below and where people and their things are tiny little specs, if even that. I love reflecting at how small we really are even when, some days, we feel so big, so mighty, so powerful. Although there are definitely days where we feel small, worthless, shameful, and mini, maybe even a spec of dirt on the Earth. Flying above the clouds reminds me how close I am to the Earth’s light source, but furthermore, how close I always am to the True Light. To Jesus.

This season has been somewhat the unraveling of a new season of my life. Although I have no clue what that may be, I know it definitely involves some sort of change. I think for the first time in my entire life, I do not have a concrete plan (HA!) or a place I have to be. I like to see change as wonderful and healthy, a chance to grow. But sometimes change is so inconvenient, so expensive, such a commitment. Last week was a special milestone for my classmates and myself. As we wrapped up our nursing program at Marquette, we got to briefly marvel in one another’s new plans. Very bittersweet conversations nonetheless, as we have already begun branching off to our reach our next goals. Though we were able to celebrate the completion of nursing school together, it is important to keep in mind that the real celebration focuses on what awaits us in the coming year and those that follow. And the real triumph more than anything? We have the skills and knowledge to help us adapt to beginning a new era of our lives. After learning, living, and rejoicing alongside my classmates at Marquette, I am confident that we are all ready for those first few steps. We can watch each other’s dreams unfold. Talk of travel. More education. Whatever it may be, we get to embrace the success of one another and that is something special. At last! We are free.

As we stood there on the graduation stage peering over the edge to the new phase of our lives, we were able to reflect back on the integrity that got us to that moment—the moral uprightness and strong principles we had developed. That accomplishment is worth more than excelling in a sport, success in the workplace, or even the satisfaction we were feeling then, as we danced across this stage, because without integrity, no such accomplishments have significance. I delightfully look forward to seeing that integrity play out in our nursing practices, with all our patients, with their families, and with all of our colleagues. I am so thrilled to have shared this milestone with so many wonderful people!

Yay!!

My Peruvian buddies!!

My rockin' roomies! Couldn't have done it without them.

This Christmas season, I am thankful for our great God whom I so poorly serve. I am thankful that He continues to bless me regardless of my transgressions or how much attention I give Him. I am thankful for my dear friends—that means you!—for loving me always and for accepting me even when you don’t want to, or when you disagree with my actions. I am seriously so ridiculously blessed by all of my family-ships and friendships; so blessed that I often lose sight of that in the midst of chaos. I like to be busy—I thrive being busy, remember?—but I also run out of gas quickly. Above the clouds is such a wonder, a wondrous time for me to fill my lungs to completion and reflect on all the wonder that happens everyday. Thanks for joining me! I pray this holiday season finds you blessed and warm. I pray you fill up with laughter and joy as you spend the days with those you love and those who love you. I pray you are able to use your eyes to find the good in one another, in your patients (for nurses/healthcare professionals), and in Jesus. I pray you put your healing hands to work, that your healing power will touch those you care for and any patients who need you. I pray you follow your caring hearts, for when our hands and eyes become weary, our hearts will still be there to guide us peacefully. And finally, thank you, Lord for the support You’ve given us to get to this moment and for the encouragement to make it through our challenges. We thank You for all our success and future endeavors. Amen.

How Did I Get Here?

I should be currently sitting in the Milwaukee Airport waiting for a 6 hour and 20 minute non-direct (LAX sucks) flight to Oakland, landing me there at 7:30 pm. That includes a 2-hour time change and probably a lot of snacks. Since when did traveling home via airplane take over an hour? But, as I said, I should be there.

Life is so unpredictable, and even at 21 years old I'm still discovering adult-like secrets. (Suddenly the phrase, "you'll understand when you're my age," make sense. Thanks mom and dad!) I just finished up my first semester of nursing school at Marquette! Only 4 to go. However, on Monday I received one of the worst phone calls ever: my college roommate was on the other end sobbing that her brother had died that morning.

My heart erupted. Right there in the middle of Marquette's beautiful campus I wanted to sit down, sob, cry, scream, and mourn for her desperately sudden loss. But, that's not what mature adults do (or so I've been told). Being in the Midwest makes the country seem so much smaller--I'm suddenly within distance to everything, so I changed my flight and am currently on my way to be with her and her family for the weekend. Lord, hold me and speak Your healing words through me so that I may be a comfort and a source of healing for them through this tragedy.

The next day, I found this beautiful quote from Beth Moore and it changed my life: "The art of friendship is forged in pain. It's allowing your own heart to break with theirs instead of fixing what you can't." Amen. Bring the healing.

For the last couple weeks I have been experiencing so many new things that the Midwest has to offer, and it has been one giant, 2-month long adventure! Since then I have been meticulously sorting through all sorts of scrambled thoughts in my mind and trying to come up with a nice, fresh updated blog post that everyone has been waiting for! This way I can give everyone a big update without leaving anyone out. I've always been thoughtful like that. ;)

I hate to disappoint, but this is going to flow about as well as all the thoughts in my mind. If you've ever had an extensive conversation with me, you may know exactly how this post is going to look. (I'll never know if you close the browser now, so there's no need to feel guilty if you "have to run".)

Anyway, about a year ago my calendar was covered in so many different colored scribbles that sometimes I woke up 5 minutes before I had to be at work; sleep was obsolete so I liked to take advantage when I could. One of my biggest concerns was if the carseats were installed properly in the back of my car for the twins I nannied for. One of my biggest fears was Senior Year of college; how was it just weeks away already? One of my biggest joys was spending quality time with the best friends anyone could ever wish, pray, hope, or dream for (you know who you are). One of my most consistent prayers was, "Keep me sane, Lord. Reveal Your plan to me clearly. Transform my heart and mind. Transform the hearts and minds of everyone around me. Unite us."

That prayer is the only thing that remains the same a year later. I have since:

1. Turned 21 (it wasn't as crazy as it sounds),
   
2. Welcomed the most adorable puppy into my extended family (okay, it's my bff's, but still),
   
3. Donated 13" of hair (yay, less tangles!), 
   
4. Said goodbye to Candlestick Park (home of my beloved 49ers from 1971 to 2013!),
   
5. Welcomed a new year with my dearest friends (2014 sounds so much nicer than 2013, right?),
   
6. Watched the Sharks almost sweep the Kings (it was 3-0) in the NHL playoffs, only to lose the series 3-4 (I'm still recovering, but talking about it now is helping),
   
7. Completed 4 years of collegiate rowing (I thought it would never end),
   
8. Graduated from college (cue instant anxiety),
   
9. Moved out of the best apartment in San Diego (minus the no AC thing),
   
10. Gotten a new car (yay, gas mileage!),
    
11. Moved across the country (or close enough),
    
12. Started nursing school (cue gray hair),
    
13. Bought my first down jacket (I hear it gets cold here),
    
14. Met and befriended an exceptional group of people in Milwaukee (their opinions may be different),
    
15. Tried so many different beers (Brew City?),
    
16. Stayed up later than I ever did in undergrad (no morning practice!),
    
17. Started working out when I want to (and definitely not for 20 hours each week, NCAA),
    
18. Made Milwaukee (and Wisconsin!) my new home.
    

So, fast forward a year from then (I went on a mini tangent, oops). One of my biggest concerns now is how fast time goes without me even noticing (I say it every single day--ask my roommates). One of my biggest fears now is flunking out of nursing school. One of my biggest joys now is experiencing an entirely new city/state/region of the country, a new school, new relationships, new surroundings, and new outlook on life. It is so beautiful. But wait, I live in Milwaukee? How did that even happen and when did I grow up? Another year and some months from now, I could be moving again and it could literally be to anywhere. I feel like I should be freaking out, but I'm strangely at peace and it's so comforting.

Earlier this week on my way to a coffee shop, I was listening to a song by Switchfoot (Awakening, look it up immediately, with the lyrics probably) and felt a serious connection with God in the moment (some of my best soul searching is done in the car, seriously). I said to myself, "Lord, I want to hit rock bottom so I can rely on You more faithfully." Not even two split seconds later, I saw a 3-legged dog hobbling gingerly down the sidewalk and I lost it. How unfair. Why does a dog have 3 legs? Why doesn't he get a prosthetic leg like humans can? Yet, this pup looked happier than a kid with candy...he certainly didn't know any different! How could I even complain running to the car in the rain anymore; I have the complete capability to walk and run normally.

Then, two days later I received that phone call from a dear friend and immediately thought, "Shoot, I guess the Lord is really listening to me. Rock bottom."

In the beginning of the summer I was running down by the lake (one of my favorite things to do in Milwaukee) when I saw an itty bitty wheelchair up ahead. As I approached the little girl and her family, I noticed how she was very fragile looking, hairless and pale. I tried super hard not to change my demeanor (besides a gentle smile, I'm sure), but my heart broke and I melted into the sidewalk. I wanted to pick her up out of the wheelchair and carry her in my arms the rest of my run. I wanted to hold her in my arms and lay in the perfectly green grass all afternoon listening to her talk about her favorite movies and games, what she was learning in school, what her favorite pet was like, why she and her little brother were arguing, why it was so easy for her to flash her tooth-gapped smile in the midst of obvious suffering.

A few weeks ago while in class, I asked my professor if nurses get emotional while at work. I don't remember exactly what we were discussing in class at that moment, but I remember getting choked up and a little teary. She said it is very common for nurses to get connected to their patients and then struggle to let go when they pass away. However, they must hold it together in front of the patients, understandably so. For some reason I'm guessing it wouldn't be very professional for me as a nurse to crawl into bed with a child after hooking up a chemo treatment, but...my heart! 

How does any of this relate? It relates in every way. One of the most beautiful things I have learned about myself in the last year is how carefully the good Lord designed my heart. It's one complicated organ, but I have loved diving into and virtually dissecting my own heart, discovering all there is to it. In an instant I can flash from utter joy to utter despair. I can be jumping for joy then sobbing for pain. I can squeal with delight then scream in anger. I can be smiling for comfort then collapsing with empathy. My heart can't ever catch a break; I'm one talented person.

This past year has been a continuous roller coaster, complete with the drastic loops and jaw-dropping free-falls. There would be eventful days that I'd make it through by the skin of my teeth and thank the Lord that I was able to rest peacefully, then wake up to the same, sometimes harsh, reality. Applying to schools last fall was a whirlwind and not the most impressive times of my life. Rowing became a beautiful disaster and physically traumatizing (but my teammates...boy, my teammates. Love doesn't even begin to explain the feelings I have for those people). Moving from San Diego saw more tears than a funeral, as did my first day in Milwaukee (sorry, mom!). I'm not sure what's so magic about the age of 21, but ever since turning that age last year, I have been on the greatest, most thrilling ride ever. Is this real life? I hear people talk about that all the time, but I think I'm finally catching on. It has been painful, thrilling, new, fun, dreadful, redeeming, peaceful, and freaking full of glory. It's still going, and strangely enough, I hope it never ends.

My day-to-day experiences are different now. I wake up excited to see what's in store. I don't fear the unknown anymore and my heart doesn't race when I hear the word "future". I am thrilled to see where God takes me each day and to meet the people He puts in my path. I allow myself to step back and take everything in, rather than jumping ahead of myself. I am thankful for each day's challenges and each day's successes, whether they are often or far between, full of joy or full of pain.

So, what was that constant (way, way back in the beginning) again? PRAYER. Keep me sane, Lord. Reveal Your plan to me clearly. Transform my heart and mind. Transform the hearts and minds of everyone around me. Unite us.

I am incredibly thankful, blessed, overwhelmed, redeemed, and passionate for this SWEET life I've been given. God has been so good to me, but I haven't always been the best disciple. I wish I were, but here's another harsh reality that I've learned (and should have memorized) this year:

You are not perfect without Christ. You will make mistakes. You are perfectly and wonderfully made. You are beautiful even if you don't feel so. You are so dearly loved, deeply cared for, and sincerely desired by the most perfect, holy, trusting, and steadfast Lord. Stay positive, stay passionate, stay rooted in faith.

Keep going.

The three-legged dog, the sick girl in the wheelchair, my friend's dead brother, all of us...time does not stop. We must pick up our crosses everyday and carry them. We must carry them faithfully and whole-heartedly. It doesn't matter if we want to or not. What that is easy is worth it? Our days are numbered and we can't waste them. I don't want a day to pass that I'm not joyful or finding something to be joyful about. Life is not meant to be easy, but we can make it easier by admitting that we are imperfect beings and staying in constant connection with God. The only thing I'm perfect at is sinning.

Keep going.

The Lord is waiting for us and will always be ready with His arms open wide. We are all at different places in life and always will be. Everyone is experiencing their own pains, own triumphs, own fears. Let's unite and be one in Christ. Let's be fearful, fearless disciples. Lift your friends up, lift your enemies up--it's amazing what a small piece of encouragement can do in the middle of a seemingly endless day.

Keep going.

This, everything I said above and commit to daily, is certainly not (never, ever) easy for me, but I hope that by sharing my own experiences and my own "wisdom" (still not old enough for that), I can stimulate all two of my blog readers to be better. We are all here together striving for the same goals; why don't we live that way?

In the past year, I also have started a mini weekly text group that I write to every Wednesday (or Thursday if I forget). I love connecting with those special people each week. I choose a passage from the Bible (generally it has to do with whatever is going on in my life) and write a small blurb of my own encouragement (or what I think is encouraging :)). If you're interested in getting on the list of recipients, feel free to let me know! There is no limit for text message recipients--remember when there was? I think my first texting plan was 250 messages per month. HA!

I am praying for anyone who makes it this far in the post. WOW. Bless you. :) But seriously, I hope this post has found you enlightened and encouraged to go spread some love and light in whatever situation you're in. I pray that you delight in your struggles and give God thanks for the blessings. I pray that each day awakens you with a warm peace and gentle smile. I pray that you love others as Jesus loves us. I pray that your hearts be opened and your minds be transformed as we move forward and that you keep going.

Keep me sane, Lord. Reveal Your plan to me clearly. Transform my heart and mind. Transform the hearts and minds of everyone around me. Unite us. Amen.

Sending all my love and the biggest hugs,
Alex :)

Confirmation Retreat

To piggy-back off of my most recent post, I'm going to continue on with more church related things. Growing up Catholic was never that big of a deal to me until I got into the last two years of high school. I was blessed with the most amazing Youth Minister (hi, Eileen!) known to mankind. Absolutely amazing. If I could adopt her as my older sister, I would in a heartbeat. She opened my heart and my eyes to the Lord more than I could even imagine and for that, I owe her everything.

Anyway, in the last twelve months, I have also been truly blessed to have been able to lead four church retreats under Eileen's leadership--one being a couple weekends ago. Since living in San Diego, I wasn't sure if I would able to make it "home" to lead the retreat, but by pulling some strings, I was there! And boy oh boy, am I so very glad I went. I say this about every retreat I go on or lead, but that was one of the best weekends of my life. Leading high schoolers to know and love Jesus is just incredible. There is nothing more that I would want to do with my weekends than lead Eileen's retreats. They are just...marvelous. I am speechless, which isn't a common occurrence! Below are a few pictures from the most recent retreat, the Confirmation I retreat.

My small group

The entire group :)

A labyrinth perfect for self-reflection

The beautiful Eileen and me :)

"No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

That Blog Post That No One Should Have To Write But End Up Writing Anyway.

When I was a ripe fifteen years old, I was in the middle of my sophomore year of high school just chuggin' along thinking that things were just grand. Little did I know, they weren't.

December 20, 2007 a dear, genuine, selfless, bright, happy, God-loving friend was diagnosed with Choriocarcinoma--a very rare type of cancer occurring most commonly in teenage girls. It started in her left ovary, spread to the right, up to her liver, and even touched on the lungs. December 21, 2007, Korrine found herself in the OR as a cantaloupe sized tumor was removed from her left ovary. Did I mention that Korrine was thirteen years old at this time?

From there, she started ten rounds of very intense chemotherapy done at Kaiser of Oakland. In April of 2008, her liver started bleeding and from there she was transferred to UCSF medical center (in San Francisco) and spent a month in the ICU there. Her abdomen filled with five liters of blood before the medical staff was able to cease the liver from bleeding. Not only that, but both her lungs collapsed during a CT scan to check for progress and almost took her life. With all of this bleeding, draining, repeating, Korrine received numerous blood and platelet transfusions. What I also didn't mention was that Korrine had A- blood and could only receive this extremely rare type of blood. Nothing's easy when it comes to cancer, is it?

While she was in the ICU, I got the most precious voice message from her mother--who is nothing short of a Saint. I still have the message saved on my phone and in it, all she talks about is how great our other two friends and I are and how it is so incredibly gracious for us to come spend some time with Korrine in her hospital room. Us? Great? Korrine was a legend, fighting for her life! People were practically fighting to go see her! When Dana called me that afternoon and asked if I would be willing to spend some time with Korrine in her ICU room, I almost collapsed. I was so stoked on life and to see one of my closest friends, I could not wait.

I will never forget that day. Seeing Korrine's beautiful bald head was absolutely astonishing and just sitting with her for a while one Friday afternoon was fantastic. It was June 6, 2008 to be exact. I forget a lot of things, but I do not forget things that are important to me. Just being able to talk to her about things not related to cancer like water polo, school, friends, and life in general were so comforting. Her parents updated her Team KC blog often so all I ever heard about was cancer and what Korrine's "next step" was. In every single post they EVER wrote, everything was positive and they thanked God for everything. There were no negatives and that is what I absolutely love about Korrine and her family. Amazing, amazing people*.

*Speaking of amazing, they are living Korrine's dream and helping out many, many patients and families of Kaiser Oakland's pediatric oncology department and looking to open a Team KC house in Oakland for them to stay at very soon! Keep checking back!

Once Korrine finished her days at UCSF, she moved back to Kaiser Oakland and finished up last rounds of chemo before heading back home for the first time in a long, long time. In late June she was home and things were really looking up for her, until she suffer septic shock in July and was in the hospital for another two weeks.

She found herself back at home in late July, until she went in for an emergency round of chemotherapy in September when her tumor scans did not come back great. Unfortunately, that last round of chemo did not do any magic, and the doctors were out of options.

The day she died and the weeks following are also memories that will be sketched in my memory forever. It was a Monday, and I was hanging around school just like every other day of the week. The previous weeks and month we (meaning all my friends and I) had all been waiting to hear when she was going to pass away or if another miracle was going to be taking place. In physics Monday mid-morning, something sparked my attention and I looked at the clock to notice it was 11:45 am on the dot. Why did that matter to me? It didn't, at the time. Class wasn't over, I needed to get back to my work.

That afternoon, a friend of mine, JR, got called out of our last class and she looked at me puzzled. She had no idea what was going on. I sent JR a text asking what was up, and she didn't reply, which was very unusual. I lolly-gagged home just like the average fifteen year old, and found a message from JR's mom on our home answering machine, which I found very odd because parents didn't usually call on the home phones anymore. I let my mom call her back and when I heard a *gasp,* it hit me. Everything came crashing down and I felt like a ton of bricks smashed my heart into a million pieces. I instantly knew exactly what had happened and clicked over to the Team KC blog immediately only to find this:

"Korrine Lannie Croghan Went To Be With The Lord This Morning"

I sat in tears on the couch for the next couple hours not wanting to do anything. Guess what else I found?

Korrine "went to be with the Lord at 11:45 A.M. today October 27, 2008"

11:45 am!?!?!??!? I looked at the clock during physics because God was nudging me and letting me know that a dear friend just went to be with Him and that I needed to remember this special moment. Thank you, Lord.

And thank you, dear readers, for following along and reading. This was a very sensitive moment in my life, one that I hope to never, ever forget. On this day, please remember to Thank God for everything you have and even for what you do not have. Also, would you mind praying for the Croghan family? As strong and faithful as they are, everyone struggles with loss. And at last, for me? I'm not around my normal support group this year who struggled with this same loss that I did and it will be a little lonely. Thank you! Love and peace to you all.

Dear Korrine,

I miss you like crazy but you probably already know that. Thanks for being such an inspiration and indirectly changing the person I am. I cannot believe it's already been two years!

Love you always and forever,

Alex

ps: You may notice this post is posted at 11:45 am, and it is on purpose, but for a good purpose. Take a moment to notice what is going on at certain times in life.

My 18th (four weeks later)

My birthday this year was something new for me. Not only was I entering a new phase of my life ("adulthood"), I also did not have my many, many friends swarming me with love notes, hugs, presents, and the like. Turning 18 is a big deal for some people, but really for me, it was just another year that I was about to embark on!

It was my golden birthday and for the day, my wonderful dad came down to San Diego to spend the day with me. It was so nice to see him on my birthday, especially since I hadn't spent time with him since a week before I moved. Another friend from home that lives down here in San Diego celebrated with us a little bit which was awesome as well!

In the morning, we went out to a nice little breakfast just the three of us. My friend, K, then had to leave and go to another function and so I then showed my dad around San Diego State (which took two hours...) and then we ventured downtown and relaxed along the ocean. All-in-all, it was a fabulous way to start my adult years and I could not have asked for anything better!

And of course...photos! :)

Pops and me...his birthday is 8 days before mine so this is "our" birthday cake :)

K and me sportin' the cute birthday cones :)

Me and pops with our birthday hats!

Somehow, I forgot to mention that my dad knows the way to my heart. Food. Happy birthday to ME!

Dad and me outside PetCo Park (where the Padres play). This was awesome because the Giants (my team) and the Padres were actually playing each other (but in SF). Aaaaaaaaand, the Giants ended up winning the National League West over the Padres. WOOHOO!!!!!!!!! GO GIANTS!!!!!! Headed to NLCS!

Negligence and Friendship

An odd title, to say the least. How do negligence and friendship go hand-in-hand, one may ask? They don't. Unless of course you are neglecting a friend or being a faulty friend, then they possibly could.

Negligence is exactly what I am doing to this blog. On twitter I may boast about all this glorious free time in college that I have to do work, hangout with friends, go to practice, or whatever it may be that I find myself doing, except for blogging. I am still a newbie at this whole blogging thing so it's not always on the top of my mind when I'm thinking of things that I can do. I'm also not always on my A-game for blogging material...I need a spark to come! I sincerely am trying my very best to not keep you (is anyone there, anyway?) bored and hollow whilst looking at this blog! So, long story short, keep with me. ;)

Next, friendship. What is friendship? One may think of friendship as a bond between two or more people who share common characteristics or are involved in some of the same activities, whether they be sports, clubs, religious groups, etc. The dictionary on my dashboard is telling me that friendship is "the emotions or conducts of being friends" or "the state of mutual trust and support."

To me, friendship is...

• not having enough space to fit all the faces that I love onto a bulletin board.

• needing to schedule skype dates because each friend wants a different day.
• getting cute little postcards in the mail while away for school.

• shedding tears for those that I miss who are no longer with us.

• being able to call anyone in my phonebook at any hour of the day just to chat.
• meeting new people in college but never forgetting the old ones that got me here.

• a care package sent to me just because.
• never-ending love.

Pulling at my Heart Strings

Since opening this blog, I have gotten shed some information about myself but I have yet to get "deep". You can mark this post as the one in which Alex goes deep. :)

As a baby, I was baptized into the Catholic faith in my home parish and have been going to church there ever since. Well, ever since I moved to San Diego a week and a half ago. I spent 17 years and 11 months there- more than I have ever been anywhere else. When I was a tween and pre-teen (ages 11-15) I absolutely abhorred going to church. Hated it. So much, that I would pretend to sleep when my dad woke me up for mass. So much that I would pretend to be sick and cry until he left so I could go back to sleep. However, more times than not, I hauled myself out of bed and sulked all the way through mass. When I resided at my mom's house, she never really minded. It was my choice if I went to mass or not and I loved it! I felt like I was free and could do what I wanted. So, in that case, I hardly ever went when I was at her house.

About two years ago or so, I started to really feel a change in my attitude towards church. I started enjoying it and getting up every Sunday morning to attend. I felt appreciative for the opportunity to go and really took advantage of going. However, there's only so much one can do by going to mass one time per week. That's really all I did- one hour a week focusing on God, and the other 167 hours of the week were "me" time. Me, me, me.

That's when this beautiful lady jumped into my life. This gorgeous Jesus-freak from Southern California, E, came in a little over a year ago to take over the Youth Ministry program at my hometown church. Before she arrived, I was involved a bit with Youth Ministry. I was on the leadership team and led a retreat or two, but I never really felt it like I probably should have. Boy oh boy, did E change that!

I was a little hesitant when E stepped foot in our Youth Room for the first time as Youth Minister. I had already gone through a lot of change and disappointment in the years before that, the last thing I wanted was change in my church. It had also been quite a while since a woman led our youth program. Oh man, was I wrong. E has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Although, if I say that she will only say, "It's not me, it's God working through me!" Which is true, by the way. But how great is that? Amazing.

E and I have had many, many hearty conversations and it has felt so good to open up to her over the last year. I was blessed beyond measure to lead three of the retreats that she held last school year and shared at all three of them. It was then that I actually started feeling the Lord move inside of me and I suddenly became conscious of the fact that He really is with us all.the.time. I cannot even imagine where I would be without E and all her prayers, teachings, stories, etc. I love her dearly!!!

Life in Christ (LinC) retreat leaders 2010

With that being said, the move to San Diego for me has been a little bit rough. I absolutely love the college life and the city and everything about it, but I sincerely miss my church back home and all of the youth and adults that go there. They all fill me with such glee and I miss it!!!! I went to church yesterday for the first time here in San Diego and it felt so good to be back (I missed last Sunday, but it felt like an eternity). So good to be back. It was amazing. During mass, I started crying. It was so random... Crying real tears, which is semi-odd for me to do ever let alone in public. I think it was a mixture of missing home and being surrounded by strangers that hit me. I got over it quick! ;) Thank you for everything, E!! I wouldn't be half the person I am today without your guidance.

Wordless Wednesday

(Sunrise in the beautiful Santa Cruz Mountains)