October 27, 2011

Three Years

"My friend died today..." are four words I sincerely hope that none of you dear, dear readers ever have to mutter to others at any point in your lives. That powerful sentence can change everything in a heartbeat and that's exactly what happened three years ago.

Monday night my awesome roommate whom I love with every ounce of my being got to see me do an ugly cry. Ugly. It is rare that I shed any tears and even rarer that it gets ugly--meaning the whole red-eye, nose-running, deep-breathing--it definitely wasn't pretty. She was hanging out in our room reading before we went to sleep and when I walked in there to change into my jammies, the tears just poured. Before I went into our room for bed, I clicked over to Korrine's blog to read through some old posts from her diagnosis, chemo treatments, glorious triumphs and watched videos that were put up from her beginning rounds of chemo. With her death date quickly coming back around, I wanted to reminisce on the memories that I have of Korrine before she passed away. Apparently that was a bad idea...I couldn't hold it together on Monday. I first read my blog post from last year and then went and read a couple of the very first posts that were ever posted back in December 2007. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't bear it. Thank God for roommates...as I cried into my blankets she sat at the edge of her bed waiting for me to regroup (even if it was just for a deep breath). I cried all over her shoulders while she hugged me and it was just so comforting. I think in the midst of crying I muttered out, "Why did she have to die?" and that right there pretty much sums up the evening.

Three years later is still hurts just as much as October 27, 2008 did. Actually, it may even hurt more now than it did back then. I was still a junior in high school and the death just stunned me. 16 year olds obviously know what death is and can comprehend that, but it just hurt and stung so bad, I think I was just shocked that an awesome friend of mine honestly died and I would never see her again. Ever. 3 years later, it is sinking in that she is really gone and will not be back. Korrine has left an everlasting impression on me and I hope to never lose it. I am full of joy and happiness not because she died, but because I have faith that she is rejoicing right now and free of pain. Accepting that is not an easy pill to swallow, but did Korrine ever do anything that was esay?

So, where do we go from here? As I'm in the midst of college, nursing school application time is coming up a little too quickly for my liking. In the future, I would absolutely love to work in pediatric oncology. That is my absolute passion. After visiting Korrine during her cancer days and seeing the relationship and bond between the nurses and their patients and families, that's when I decided what I was going to be. Often times when I tell people that's my desirable career, I hear, "Oh wow, that's powerful. So much life and death." Well, yes, that's true but the life and death isn't just going to stop because I choose to take a path in life that is more lively. Death is all over the medical field--I'm not going to be selfish and sit back to watch death happen to protect myself. I already lost a friend to cancer and saw so many different things during her ten month battle, I feel like to live for Korrine the way she wants us all to do, going back to help those other children that are still fighting the fight, is the least that I can do.

In fact, her parents aren't sitting around either. They TeamKC organization has really taken off in the last three years and they were actually interviewed this week about what's been happening around the organization. The funds for a TeamKC house in Oakland are in the works in order to support families that are commuting to and from the hospital daily. It would give them a place to stay during long hospital stays just to relax rather than hustle back and forth from home. This was Korrine's dream before she passed away and seeing it happen honestly warms my heart. I'm so happy to see that coming to life and I would super appreciate it if all of you amazing people would keep Matt and Dana in your prayers as they continue building her dream.

As this day draws to a close, I'm just thankful that God blessed me with Korrine's friendship for the relatively short time that I knew her. Just having her friendship for a few years has changed my perspective on life completely and it is so humbling to see how He works through different people like he did through Korrine. I hope the same feeling is touching you all tonight as your evening continues on. How did Korrine affect you? What everlasting impression did she leave on your heart?

1 comment:

  1. Well said Alex:) I thought about Korrine all day. I know how much you miss her. I love you sweetie.
    Aunt Cindy


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