Do What You Love, Love What You Do

69 days ago I interviewed for this insanely DREAMY job. All I could think about was how to NOT mess up this incredible opportunity. The amount of sweat my body produced in that two hour interview was actually impressive; thank goodness it was all via video chat online. When people asked me how it went later on, all I could muster up was, "It was so fun!! I wanted to talk to them forever." I had never really had experience doing professional interviews, so something in me was confused because I never expected an interview to be fun and full of laughter. It just felt so right...

66 days ago I accepted that insanely DREAMY job at Seattle Children's Hospital. Seattle Children's Hospital. A world-class institute for pediatric medicine just offered me a job and I had ACCEPTED it. An absolute blur that phone call was; I'm 100% sure I never formally accepted the job. After the job was offered over the phone, I blurted something along the lines of, "THIS IS SO COOL!!! Thank you so much!" Luckily, that blubbery mess was an acceptable acceptance or I'd still be stuck under piles of snow in Milwaukee instead of sitting on my patio basking in this sunny Seattle Sunday (not that anything would be wrong about that).

40 days ago I was on the move! With my dad doing most of the hauling and some heavy-lifting help from a few generous friends (thanks a million, Brad!!), we had two cars loaded up and ready to hit the Great North! Shall I remind you that we were traveling through the northern states in the middle of February? For all of my California friends, that is ultimate snow season...

...we didn't see more than 3 inches of snow on the ground the entire 2,000 mile trip. How's that even possible?!?! Highways get shut down, the three gigantic mountain passes between Montana and Washington are often closed for snow or slowed enormously during this time of the year. We cruised through those six states at 80 miles an hour for three days without any problems. The week before, Milwaukee looked something like this:

 Some people would consider that lucky, I consider that Jesus.

A beautiful Montana sunrise!

Home stretch!

Home sweet home...my new backyard.

33 days ago I started my absolute dreamy job. Now that it's here and my job title is set, it's hard to remember the stress and angst I put myself through to get here. I vaguely remember a few days (okay, a few more than a few) being worried about my future, if I was going to be moving and where that would be, if my future coworkers would accept me, if I would find a niche like I have in my past few cities, etc. etc. etc. Let me tell you before you put yourself through the same cycle...God's gotcha. Just put your hand out, open up your heart, and He'll take you where you belong.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin was such a wonderful home for me, something I hadn't really thought possible as I moved out there. It was a huge transition moving from San Diego to Milwaukee, but I settled in beautifully and broke my heart into a million pieces as I packed up my bedroom a few weeks ago and hit the road Westward Ho. While I miss the laughter with dear friends (lifers), the winters, the cheese, the lake, the people, the beer, the festivals, the babies, the friendliness...I'm absolutely where I belong. I think the only two things I really don't miss are the potholes and Milwaukee's infamous odor. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who made my life in Wisconsin so easy and simplistic. I would have been a completely lost lunatic if it weren't for y'all welcoming me into your space. Thank you for loving me, accepting me, and for teaching me all the tricks of the Midwest. The memories and friendships I made there can't shine a light on anything; 100% irreplaceable.

But now? Now, I work at one of America's Top Employers with my absolute DREAM JOB!! I've said that a million times now, but it still hasn't really settled in with me. Each morning that I go to work, I walk through the doors of a children's hospital, a place that regular people don't want to be...but I love it. This is something I honestly did not think would come to fruition until a few years post-grad, but with my minimal faith and a whole slue of doubt, God lay down a path for me to follow and brought me to this new, marvelous, fantastic chapter of my life. I owe so much more to Him than I currently allow myself to give.

So, long story short: don't count yourself out of anything. Set your goals, follow your dreams. Don't count the days until they've passed (easier said than done!), do what you love, and for heaven's sake, love what you do. Please do not make yourself miserable at work. Here's a harsh reality: we will likely (and God-willing) be working for a few more decades. Love it, enjoy it, cherish it.

Clearly enjoying my new home!

For those wondering, I am absolutely infatuated with my new home and love sharing it with this wild animal. Thanks a million for keeping tabs on me and for praying my way to this marvelous moment in life!

Three Years

"My friend died today..." are four words I sincerely hope that none of you dear, dear readers ever have to mutter to others at any point in your lives. That powerful sentence can change everything in a heartbeat and that's exactly what happened three years ago.

Monday night my awesome roommate whom I love with every ounce of my being got to see me do an ugly cry. Ugly. It is rare that I shed any tears and even rarer that it gets ugly--meaning the whole red-eye, nose-running, deep-breathing--it definitely wasn't pretty. She was hanging out in our room reading before we went to sleep and when I walked in there to change into my jammies, the tears just poured. Before I went into our room for bed, I clicked over to Korrine's blog to read through some old posts from her diagnosis, chemo treatments, glorious triumphs and watched videos that were put up from her beginning rounds of chemo. With her death date quickly coming back around, I wanted to reminisce on the memories that I have of Korrine before she passed away. Apparently that was a bad idea...I couldn't hold it together on Monday. I first read my blog post from last year and then went and read a couple of the very first posts that were ever posted back in December 2007. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't bear it. Thank God for roommates...as I cried into my blankets she sat at the edge of her bed waiting for me to regroup (even if it was just for a deep breath). I cried all over her shoulders while she hugged me and it was just so comforting. I think in the midst of crying I muttered out, "Why did she have to die?" and that right there pretty much sums up the evening.

Three years later is still hurts just as much as October 27, 2008 did. Actually, it may even hurt more now than it did back then. I was still a junior in high school and the death just stunned me. 16 year olds obviously know what death is and can comprehend that, but it just hurt and stung so bad, I think I was just shocked that an awesome friend of mine honestly died and I would never see her again. Ever. 3 years later, it is sinking in that she is really gone and will not be back. Korrine has left an everlasting impression on me and I hope to never lose it. I am full of joy and happiness not because she died, but because I have faith that she is rejoicing right now and free of pain. Accepting that is not an easy pill to swallow, but did Korrine ever do anything that was esay?

So, where do we go from here? As I'm in the midst of college, nursing school application time is coming up a little too quickly for my liking. In the future, I would absolutely love to work in pediatric oncology. That is my absolute passion. After visiting Korrine during her cancer days and seeing the relationship and bond between the nurses and their patients and families, that's when I decided what I was going to be. Often times when I tell people that's my desirable career, I hear, "Oh wow, that's powerful. So much life and death." Well, yes, that's true but the life and death isn't just going to stop because I choose to take a path in life that is more lively. Death is all over the medical field--I'm not going to be selfish and sit back to watch death happen to protect myself. I already lost a friend to cancer and saw so many different things during her ten month battle, I feel like to live for Korrine the way she wants us all to do, going back to help those other children that are still fighting the fight, is the least that I can do.

In fact, her parents aren't sitting around either. They TeamKC organization has really taken off in the last three years and they were actually interviewed this week about what's been happening around the organization. The funds for a TeamKC house in Oakland are in the works in order to support families that are commuting to and from the hospital daily. It would give them a place to stay during long hospital stays just to relax rather than hustle back and forth from home. This was Korrine's dream before she passed away and seeing it happen honestly warms my heart. I'm so happy to see that coming to life and I would super appreciate it if all of you amazing people would keep Matt and Dana in your prayers as they continue building her dream.

As this day draws to a close, I'm just thankful that God blessed me with Korrine's friendship for the relatively short time that I knew her. Just having her friendship for a few years has changed my perspective on life completely and it is so humbling to see how He works through different people like he did through Korrine. I hope the same feeling is touching you all tonight as your evening continues on. How did Korrine affect you? What everlasting impression did she leave on your heart?

"Just remember, there is nothing today you and the Lord can't handle together."

Those very words are what sent me on my merry way this morning after attending mass. Perfection. Good thing too...the reminder is always nice.

This morning while fighting with my alarm clock, my dad's number came up on caller ID at my home phone. I instantly knew something was wrong because my parents are divorced and don't speak...he uses my cell phone to get in touch with my brothers or me. Why the house phone? The phone call went something like this:

Dad: "Is your mother there?"

Me: Why would he want my mother? Clearly something is wrong. "No, she is at work."

Dad: "She won't answer her cell phone and I have really awful news that I need to share with her."

Me: Heart starts racing. "What happened?"

Dad: "Sit down. Mark (dad's best friend) called me and told me that Jan (his wife) had a cerebral hemorrhage yesterday afternoon and instantly died."

Me: Tears.

Dad: "I will try your mother again, but please tell her to contact me."

Jan. My mother's college roommate and best friend since then (about 30 years ago). Almost like an aunt to me. Her two boys are both near my brothers' and my own ages--almost like other siblings, but more like cousins. She passed away yesterday afternoon on her way home from Oregon with her mother and sister-in-law and I still cannot believe it. I will never see her again. I can't picture her without a smile plastered across her face or a laugh filling the entire room. She was such a genuine, kind-hearted person and she will be missed greatly. She was also my oldest brother's godmother. Please keep her husband, sons and the rest of her family/friends in your prayers.

Later on today, my own mother found out that a skin biopsy came back cancerous. It isn't a serious issue since it is on her ear and a very small area, but knowing that it is malignant cancer is not exactly encouraging. She will go in for surgery again sometime soon and have more of the skin on her ear removed until only healthy cells remain. After that, she should be back to normal. Just please, please pray. Both of these incidences are enough to send my mom to a crazy house.

But as you go on throughout your days, remember, there is nothing that you and the Lord cannot handle together.

"No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

If You Were Here...

Dearest Korrine,

If you were here, today we would be celebrating your 17th birthday. SEVENTEENTH!!! Oh my goodness, that went by fast. I remember when I met you and you were what, ten I think? Either way, you're getting old but what am I saying? So am I!!!

If you were here and I were at home today on your birthday, I would be pulling out a nice, hot, funfetti birthday cake from the oven before school started. After it cooled, I would frost it with chocolate frosting and swirl cream cheese frosting into the middle afterwards. I would show up to your house nice and early with balloons and the cake and make this day one of the best ones you've had. Chances are though, that I would still be here in San Diego chugging along with school but hey, a girl can dream right??

If you were here and I was still in San Diego on your birthday, I would call you right when I woke up and sing you happy birthday. I would then log onto Facebook and post a video on your wall praising you and going on and on about how incredibly special you are and what a blessing it is for me to have you in my life.

The only problem is that you are not here today and you aren't coming back. Those words still hurt to write and I know this is really selfish to say, but I wish more than anything that you were here living life and celebrating your 17th birthday with the hundreds and hundreds of people who love you so dearly. Instead, I will walk through this day remembering you (not that that's new or anything) and carrying your love and passion for life in my heart and spread it to all the people I come in contact with no matter what happens. You, my marvelous friend, are why I am so positive. You taught me how to love and more importantly, you brought me closer to the Savior. You are the reason I can get out of negative moods more quickly than ever and bounce back to the joyful life I enjoy living. You are the reason I smile at everything, because we never know when our last smile is going to happen. Even if you aren't here, I'm celebrating your 17th.

I sincerely hope that you are having an awesome time in heaven with our Father. I cannot wait to be reunited with you when it's my turn. Happy 17th birthday, Korrine. I love you and miss you every single day that I live.

Love always,

Alex

On my heart...

When I wrote the post about Korrine a couple weeks ago, sweet comments and emails were pouring in via Facebook and here leading me to praise the Lord for everything that I have and don't have even more than I do. It really touches me that all these people are thanking me for writing such a beautiful post, but really, He is just using me as a vessel to spread Korrine's glory and His mercy as well.

A couple Wednesdays ago (Korrine's death date), another close, close friend of mine, H (my bff's little brother), sent me a chat on Facebook and said he was crying about the post and really wanted to thank me. We talked about Korrine a little bit and also death in general. Quite morbid, but it was a deep, moving conversation--one that not many people can have with the opposite gender in teenage years AND without getting the chills and/or crying.

He then broke some other bone-chilling information. H told me that his good friend that he met this past summer at church camp from out of state was diagnosed with Leukemia a couple days before this chat and she was given eight months to live.

Eight.

Months.

To.

Live.

I wanted to cry. Actually, I did, what am I talking about? I was so sad and upset all at the same time. There I was, upset but looking for the goodness coming about from Korrine's death and then receiving news and crying about yet another young teen that I had never even met before. Cancer sucks, I hate it. I don't even know this girl but knowing that she has an aggressive form of cancer and a time limit left on her life hit me deep. Before I started talking to H, I was on an energy surge from the Giants first World Series win and the Sharks win that night as well, so needless to say any wind that was in my sails was immediately gone. What's scary is that people all over the world and all across our nation day and are diagnosed with cancer each and every day of our lives. Every day.

What would you do if you were given eight months to live? Not even that but she is seventeen years old, making me barely a year older than her. When my roommate got back to our room for the night, we started talking about what we would do if we were diagnosed with cancer. Probably not the most uplifting conversation to have, but we talk about some strange things. I immediately said that I would drop out of school and spend every waking moment with the people I love doing nothing but fun things. Like Lori Harper once said, I would not waste any rainy days or hours of daylight, for those are the moments where spontaneity are most present and besides, who knows how long we will have the ability to enjoy them? The thoughts of, "oh, tomorrow" or "well...maybe next week" would be flushed out the window. Like I try so very hard to do now, I would live completely in the moment and quit dwelling in the past or meticulously planning out my future.

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices." Psalm 37:7

Be still. Have patience. Wait for the Lord, for He has plans for each and every one of us. Cancer sucks, but knowing God is by our sides every step of the way is so encouraging. He planned this for us and for that very reason, we must accept it and carry on.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid." John 14.27

Amen.